Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
