im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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