saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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