In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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