hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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