Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
