K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
