Yo dont text me then not text me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
