i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
