Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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