So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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