the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
