ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
