Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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