I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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