turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
