Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
