I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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