She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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