his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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