My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
