I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize