so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
