i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
