Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
