The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
