cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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