But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
