one might say we're banned from that church
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We're too hungover to prance.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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