I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I AM VODKA MAN
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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