even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
