So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
