I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
