he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
