Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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