yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
