On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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