Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
