I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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