When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
