Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize