2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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