I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
