sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
