when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
