Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
