Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think my vagina is haunted
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize