Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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