We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
