Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
