im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
