Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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