'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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