it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
