dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
