shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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