Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
