if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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