I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
