I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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