if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
