Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
