Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
