saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
