i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
