don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
