Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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