Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
