Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
