I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Less talking, more tequila
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
