non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
