I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
