i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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