If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
