Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
