GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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