Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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