oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
