why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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