wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
